For You

I love it when you smile,
not because it makes you look beautiful.
You look beautiful regardless.
I love it when you smile,
because it makes my whole day look beautiful.

Final Analysis

I analyze a lot. Everything. All the time. And all I got out of it is tired. Maybe this isn’t how it’s supposed to be, maybe it’s not how we’re supposed to live. Then again, maybe I’m getting myself into yet another analysis…

Don’t think too much; you’ll start to doubt everything. Just listen to your heart. Say what you want to say, write what you want to write… sing all you want to sing.

Savour each moment… each feeling… feel and feel alive. Don’t judge… understand others… and most importantly yourself.

I’ve never laughed in vain, never shed a tear in vain. Vanity is for those who seek something in the end. All that is there to see, all that is there to feel, it’s all in the moments.

A smile can change a night into a day and a simple line can change a day into a night. I know in the long run it’s all in vain but I seek my meanings in the moments in between.

There's Heaven Around Me And Hell Within

There are people who wish they could hear what goes inside other people’s head… I wish I could stop hearing what goes inside mine.

There’s heaven around me and hell within. I guess it’s the same with most of us. I believe we are the reason we are complaining.

I want to turn deaf ear to these doubts, these premonitions. I want to hear that laughter, that voice… unfiltered… straight from my ears to my heart. For once, I want to be happy for all that I’ve got and not worry about all that I could lose.

 

… … I’m listening to “Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong… for 37th time tonight.

State Of My Mind

My Apology…

I’m sorry
Sleepy green idea, that’s my story
I lied
Chicken fried, I tried
This ciphertext, I’m sending to you
I had to.
The truth
An F-22 crash on the route
Would’ve hurt
But I’m sure about the titanium door
Even more.

About Love

I posted a quote by Neil Gaiman and got hammered with comments. I’d like to believe that those were directed at the original writer and not at me. Anyway, all the talk about love made me contemplate, and it took me back to something I wrote ages ago… … …

Today I saw her again.
The beauty, the elegance,
Soothing -
Like a summer rain.
Floating with grace.
The day,
Singing with her smile,
Brightened by her face.
I looked in her eyes,
I got lost,
Charmed!
Mesmerized!
Then she looked at me;
Time stood still.
She lowered her eyes,
I could feel,
A music in the air;
Like a violin somewhere,
Breaking the silence of a calm sea.
I just stood there.
A million things to say,
Couldn’t utter a word;
A brief conversation,
Untold!…
Unheard!…

… … … Love is amazing!… it makes your days brighter, your worries lighter… it makes you wanna be a better man!… your priorities change in moments… it is beyond all logic, all reasons… … to the whole world you’re someone and to someone you’re the whole world… it matters!!

Love… Horrible Isn't It?!!

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love”.

- Neil Gaiman

(Extract from Neil Gaiman’s “The Kindly Ones”, where a character, Rose Walker, is talking to Desire, about Love)

A Walk To Remember

As I sat here today, on an idle Sunday, I can’t help reminisce on the memories of the last weekend. Warm sun, cool breeze, the path, the scenery and the company…  the hike from Nalinchowk to Nagarkot.

the trek

Imagine the experience of jumping for the ground and somehow landing on water… I seem to be a walking accident these days… but it only added to the fun. Or when I was almost dragged atop a cliff by Kumar and Shankar… beautiful moments.

the big splash

The company… Gaurav, Kumar and Shankar… my friends since college days. College days – occasional turmoil in both personal and academic life amidst the carefree times of bunking the class and basking in the sun… and the ‘window shopping’, of course ;) . However the most amazing part is, all these years and nothing has changed – except for the bunking part (which has been reduced to 5-10 minutes at the office canteen).

dil chahata hai

Kumar getting frequently upset at minor things, and Gaurav doing his best to push him over the edge (well not literally),… me doing my best to irritate Gaurav with my ‘philosophies’… and Shankar, well, he was being Shankar – reading everyone and everything around him. Bottom line – you guys rock!

And the wonderful Sushmita with her thousand watt smile, who was sweet enough to laugh at all my stupid jokes… remember the “Na Lin Chowk” joke – Gaurav was staring at me like I was a raving idiot. Perhaps I was… but hey, if I can’t be myself with you guys where can I be! (ok, I think I just admitted that I’m an idiot… anyway… moving on…) It was her first hiking and she surprised us all when she finally conjure up enough courage to scale the Nagarkot tower. She was frozen scared when she first got to the top.

some village girl... from USA ;)

Well, gorgeous, thanks for the wonderful company which made the 5 hrs journey feel like 5 minutes… too bad you had to return home with a headache :(   …hope my stupid jokes weren’t responsible ;)

a walk to remember

All in all, a day I’ll remember for a long time to come. It was beautiful coz it was spontaneous… kinda like this picture where a good shot was almost ruined by an unwelcome guest!

21 + 1

Seinfeld Quotes

I’ve been a long time fan of the show “Seinfeld”. It makes very interesting observations on things that we find so easy to overlook.

So here’s a huge collection of Jerry’s quotes from the show that I’ve collected from various web-sites.

Read more

The Hike, The Horror & The 25 Years of Taking Walking for Granted

The day began like any other day this week: it was pouring outside, I had gone to bed pretty late last night, and I wasn’t in ‘early to rise’ kind of mood. Besides, I’ve been a long time believer that the early worm gets eaten by the birds. No alarms to go off, no office to rush to, it was almost perfect, but as it turned out I’d been overlooking something – the Hike. This was to be my first D2 hike in over six months that I’ve been here and I had been looking forward to it, until it rained for the whole day yesterday and the hike seemed surely out of the picture. The cell phone rang with the tune of premonition; Shankar was on the other side of the line and then it hit me: I’m going on the hike. And after a couple of calls to Kumar and Ashish I was in New Baneshwor waiting for D2 van.

We left New Baneshwor at around 8:00am and stopped somewhere around Banepa for breakfast at 8:30, and the time in between just passed listening to the two Ex-KU’eans, Ashish and Lava dai, reminiscing on their college days. We had the much awaited breakfast, carried water bottles and continued the journey in the van, looking for someone who could tell us where exactly we were going and how to get there. After a few bewildered pedestrians we finally met few people who could tell us the route to “Srikhandpur”. The only problem was that they knew the vehicle route but no hike route. When asked how we get there on foot they gave us a blank look which can be summarized by the words: “well then get off the van and walk”. Finally, somebody pointed us towards a hill. We stopped in front of the ‘IT Park’, and started to scale the muddy slopes at around 8:45am.

There was no scorching sun in the sky and the walk felt relatively easier. All was going well until suddenly it started to rain. Luckily, the rain never grew beyond a mild drizzle. There was a brief respite in the form of leveled & smooth pitched road but it didn’t last for long as we again took a sharp turn perpendicular to the road and started on a very slippery ascent. And just when I thought it can’t get any worse, it did – the slopes were infested with leeches. I was probably overreacting but I hadn’t seen leeches that size my whole life. The whole area seemed to me like an extract from a Hollywood horror movie, and Kumar shared my trepidation. We were constantly checking the insides of our shoes and shocks, and throwing out the few that made in. I was much relieved when we finally got out of that site.

Soon we reached Devithan temple, which has a NTC tower guarded by the army on its side. It was the apex of our journey and from there we were on our way back. We were all tired, hungry and dying for lunch. After walking down the hill on sets of staircases – a luxury I had been missing the whole time – we got to the town at the foot of the hill. We walked for some 20-30 minutes through the town and got to a fine restaurant around 1:30pm. As soon as we got there Dhilung got busy with his cell phone, and the rest of us busy basking in the sun with drinks of our preference.

The sun was out and shining with all its glory, and I had three glasses of cool beer just to cool myself down – I’ll come up with a better excuse next time. Bishnu dai’s theory about cheese and beer going well together was terrific. We were enjoying ourselves and soon it was time to go into one of the rooms for lunch. I got up, attempted to walk, and was struck by a sudden revelation – all these years I took walking for granted. Beer on empty stomach had taken its toll on me. Still, somehow I made it to the lunch table and we all satiated our hunger. After the lunch Ashish took us to a nearby field which served a great view of the valley. The site motivated guys to give their own rendition of Rang De Bashanti’s “Rubaroo”. We ran around for a while ,and after a call from Vishnu dai from the van, we had to bid the place goodbye and make our way back to the van.

All in all, this was an unforgettable escapade. I can’t imagine what I would’ve missed had I not got those wake up calls early in the morning. This has been a day of many ‘firsts’ for me, and to top it off, for the first time I’m thanking someone for not letting me sleep till late in the morning. My thanks to Shankar and Ashish. Looking forward to hike with you guys many times in coming weeks.

More on Soul Searching

“Soul searching won’t get you anywhere when there’s not much to search for.”

I see vanity everywhere. When I look at life from  a certain distance I see endless loops. Change is just an illusion. Nothing ever changes. I keep coming back to the same place again and again.

Maybe that’s why some the most trivial things in life give me the most joy. The minor things in life are the most important for me, because, even though for a few fleeting moments, they take me away from the ineluctable futility.

Don’t get me wrong here. I’m neither a nihilist, nor a pessimist. Strangely enough, I regard my self an optimist… it’s just, I’m not too good at it.